So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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