WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
