He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
