Having a random hookup so left but love u
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
