k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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