Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
