Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
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Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
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I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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