We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
