my soul wont recognize me after tonight
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
