we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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