I was born with a shot glass in my hand
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
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Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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