So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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