we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
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After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
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Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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