I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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