this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
too bad you live with your parents still
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize