Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
