when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
