Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
