This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
