But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
19 Teachers Share the Funniest Items Brought to “Show and Tell”
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.