I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
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Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
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They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.