I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
21 Embarrassing Stories From Adults Who’ve Crapped Their Pants
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it