im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?