what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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