is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
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DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
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Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.