C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
If its not for food we ain't going out.