How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Sorry my hands just texted you
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
