i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
