had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
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