if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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