I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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