Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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