Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
