dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
