i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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