Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
