For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
