what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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