I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
