Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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