THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Terrible idea I love it
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
