it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
people are starting to question the shark bite story
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
FUCK WHALES
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
