My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
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On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
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Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.