see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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