I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
