And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
