so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
