i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
