what if every blade of grass was a penis?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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