Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
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There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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