SEEEEXXX PLEASE
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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