dude i'm inner monologue high
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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