Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I wear drunk well.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize