There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
