i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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