so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
