ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
my being single is dangerous.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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