look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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