new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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