butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Randomize
