Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
