I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize