I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I am one with the molecules
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
