I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
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